Hi! Welcome back to my blog! This week, I thought I’d share some of the experiences international students have with dating in the United States. Some of these experiences are mine and I will definitely indicate when I’m talking about myself. While some are just experiences of random people.
Let’s start from how I came to the U.S as a single woman. First of all, while I was in the University I didn’t get the chance to be in a committed relationship. I had one or two people that were interested in me at some point but I was kind of in this ‘FriendZone’ 😂😂 that everyone thought I was in a relationship with this other person. I was not…I think I was also waiting for this person to tell me how they felt about me so we could get the relationship going…well he didn’t and I ended up using 4 years of my time being in this friend-zone!😂. No regrets though! Everything happens for a reason. I learnt a lot from that friendship I had with the person. I got wiser no doubt and would not advise anyone to be in that kind of situation. It’s important for people to define their relationship.
After graduating, I got into this relationship that I thought was a committed one. I remember reaching out to someone I barely knew on LinkedIn because I was trying to help my ex secure the job of his dreams. Hahaha! Things we do for love 😂😂…but Baba God had a bigger plan! He eventually gave me an already made man! One that already has a job and everything going well for him. I just needed to pack my bags and move to my husbands house!😁😁 Let somebody shout Hallelujah! *In Pastor Adeboye’s voice*
That relationship ended close to the time I was planning to come to the U.S. We had planned to pursue graduate studies together, his plan wasn’t coming through as mine was and he thought the best decision was to end the relationship. Of course I felt hurt like most people will, but we meuuuuveee!
Being an international student in the U.S and trying to date is especially hard for women. Let me tell you why. First of all, you have to understand that the percentage of women who are ready for a committed relationship is way higher than the percentage of men who are ready. This means a male international student is more likely to find his future partner faster than a female international student will. This is just what I have observed by my experience and those of other people I personally know.
Second of all, as an international student, you understand your journey more than anyone else. What I mean by that is, some of the people you will meet here know nothing about Optional Practical Training (OPT) year. If you don’t know, OPT is the year or years (depending on your program) that allows you to remain in the country to work after your graduate studies. The fact that they don’t know is not their fault. This is especially because they did not get into the country as an International student. Some of the people you will meet were born here or brought here by their parents. Simply put, it takes an international student to understand another international student’s journey!
As an International student trying to get into a serious relationship…you are looking out for two things:
1. Some one you really care about and who really cares about you in return
2. Someone who is stable, immigration wise. Stable can mean he or she is a citizen; he or she is permanent resident; he or she is on a work visa or on his or her way to getting there.
My dear Brothers and Sisters…those two points are important. People should not feel bad when they add the number two requirement to their list. I alway say something, a blind man cannot lead another blind man. They will both fall into the pit. If you did not come into the country as an International student and you find someone you really care about who came in as one, you have to understand that one person will have to lift the other person up.
I understand the fears that people may have. “Oh, I need to date someone who will love me for who I am and not for papers…bla bla bla”. That’s why you have to really know the person to be sure that’s the person you want to be with. Also, to be sure you are the person they want to be with! Immigration status should not be the reason you cut someone entirely off like they have one disease that can’t be cured. I had to constantly remind myself of my worth and what I will be bringing to the table in marriage, eventually! Otherwise, this immigration status of a thing will make you feel like crap!
I remember I was once introduced to a guy who was on H1B (work visa). I was getting to talk to him and know him but can you believe that we never saw eye to eye. Maybe he was looking for a citizen to be with though because this guy just ghosted me for no apparent reason. I wasn’t looking down on him because he only had a work visa. I was willing to get to know him. Anyway, as soon as he ghosted, I also meuved!
Another person was introduced to me. I also had not met this person eye to eye before he ghosted me. We were talking on the phone and chatting. This was in the middle of my graduate studies and I was beginning to look for job opportunities for my OPT. He even offered to assist me in this job search. Maybe while he was trying to find a job for me, he learnt that I won’t really get a job for just OPT (being a one year work authorization). Most employers will rather give jobs to people who will not require work authorization (that is, the employer filing a work visa for you) in the future. I just did not understand why one will just decide to ghost another person. At least one should have the courtesy to let the other person know. So, I was there wondering what was happening with this guy. Tried to reach him via phone call and text, no response. Eventually, he reached out some months later and started apologizing. By that time I was already irritated by the whole thing and wasn’t even going to continue with the discussions we were having.
When I began to think about these things…I realized these people may actually be ghosting either because they are not ready to commit or simply because of my immigration status! They just automatically judge you like you can’t amount to anything without them. I have friends that had similar experiences of people ghosting them and it’s just crazy why guys do that. Just come clean and tell the person you are no longer interested.
My husband was different. 🙂 He didn’t come as an International student though. He came into the country on H1B. However he understood the path of most international students. The first thing that drew me to my husband was the fact he came with good intentions and he articulated those intentions well. He told me how serious he was and the fact that he wasn’t here to play games. I really appreciated that because trust me I had seen a lot of unserious people in my life 😂🤣. The first time he came to pick me from my house on a date, it rained and this man came to look for me in the rain. ❤️❤️❤️
I believe in God and I know he is the Master Planner. Most times, we try to make plans on our own but He makes the ultimate plan!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thankful for everything!
I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thanks for reading to the end!😂 Have a great week!
4 thoughts on “What Dating is like for International Students in the United States!”
Omoooo this looks really stressful sha. I don’t blame people who would want to be with someone that has a stable immigration status because imagine falling in love and your lover gets booted back to his/her home country, that is emotional theft.
I am lowkey wary of immigrants marrying for papers eventually and not for love, this kind of makes me feel sad and uncomfortable but I am not in those shoes so I definitely don’t know what it feels like.
With God sha, even the seemingly impossible can be an easy ride, just as in your case.
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Sure. My dear, dating is stressful no matter where you are 😂😂😂 unserious fellow are everywhere! I was watching a video of how a lady from Nigeria was dating 5 men at the same time, three were in the U.S. Imagine what happened when one of them found out…and in that man’s mind going back home to find a wife was the best.
Funfunlade! You know last last I will start one dedicated YouTube channel for this topic sha😂
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My Sister… e reach oo 😂